The long way home

One of the reasons I always like to leave Las Vegas somewhat early on Sundays is to avoid the crowds at the airport. However, that plan didn't seem to work out this time -- the place was a zoo!!!

After waiting 20 minutes to check in, I endured another 40 minutes of punishment getting through security. It's a good thing I wasn't any more hungover or dehydrated than I was. I had all I could do to keep my involuntary muscle twitches under control.

Once the plane was boarded, we pushed out to the tarmac, but again it was hurry up and wait. Our plane finally got out about 45 minutes late.

When I landed in San Francisco I started thinking about my plan to get home. I didn't want to catch a cab directly out of SFO because they always try to charge me fare + 1/2 when they get 15 miles out of San Francisco Country where I now live. I decided to catch BART to Millbrae, and check out my Caltrain options heading south from there.

When I got to Millbrae, the schedule said I had a 45 minute wait until the next train, so I scanned the parking lot for taxis. Sure enough, there was one waiting. But by the time I could approach it, I could see another man talking to the driver. I waited for a bit, then came closer.

"Are you going to hire this cab?" I asked the man.

"Not sure yet, maybe not," he replied.

"Where are you going?" the taxi driver asked me.

"Mountain View," I said.

"Oh, I'll take you to Mountain View," said the driver. Looking at the other customer, the driver said, "I'll call you another cab."

The other customer looked puzzled. The driver was shunning him for the higher fare.

"I'm sure you will," said the customer. "But I was here first. How about you take us both and you drop me off in San Mateo on the way?"

This was okay with me, so the cab driver obliged.

When I got in the cab, the other customer introduced himself as Glen. Then he asked where I was coming from.

"Las Vegas," I said.

"I just moved out here from Las Vegas," said Glen. "I got in trouble with some FBI guy, so I moved. It's a long story."

"I need some money for a deposit on my apartment," said Glen, "so I'm going to work right now."

"A day laborer?," I thought to myself. Hmmm, that doesn't seem right.

"I'm a masseuse," said Glen. "I perform erotic massage. I'm going to make $1000."

I had no reply to that.

"Hey, $1000 is $1000," said Glen. "For only one hour of work. I don't know if you are gay or straight, but..."

"I'm straight," I said before he could finish his sentence.

At this point, the cab driver was nearing San Mateo, and told Glen he'd drop him off near the freeway exit as not to increase my fare. Glen then gave me $5 toward my fare and left the taxi.

I wondered where that $5 bill had been. Then I decided I didn't want to know.

Happy birthday

I woke up drunk.

As I tried to hydrate, I got a call from Jeff. He was already down in the sports book placing bets on Saturday football. I showered up and ventured down.

"I've got action on everything," said Jeff as he sipped on his Bud Light. "This Wisconsin game is looking good."

I was trying to pace myself, so I grabbed a Diet Pepsi. Then I placed a bet on a simulcast horse race from Bay Meadows. My first inclination was to bet on Welfare Cadillac, but when the odds sank I changed my mind. Who won? Welfare Cadillac.

Later on I placed a bet on the World Series. I asked the sports book attendant how I should interpret the odds on the game, and he explained them to me. Then I told him I wanted $100 on the Rockies to win game 3. Later I would find out he misplaced my bet, but fortunately that meant I won because the Rockies lost. Sometimes its just better to go with a mistake than try to "fix" it.

After a day of sports, we again cleaned up and met in the Caesars Palace casino. I got down there first, so when I spotted an open 3rd Base spot at a table with a hot blonde dealer, I took a seat. I didn't mind if I did.

I tried to politely wait out the shoe being dealt, but the others at the table insisted I play. I told them I didn't want to join mid shoe, so they asked the pit boss for a shuffle. He granted it.

Rickelle, the dealer, was dishing us crap from the beginning. The guys who were originally at the table soon left. My friend, Jeff, then joined. At one point I was dealt a pair of 8s against Rickelle's 7. I split. But up came another 8. Then another. Before I knew it, my original $100 hand had split into $400 of action. Rickelle pulled a 20. Bye bye $400. Needless to say, I wasn't much fun at dinner.

Things didn't get much better after dinner, so I retired at about 12:45 a.m.

Even keel

After a day at the pool, my fiends and I showered up and met down the Caesar's main black jack pit in the Palace Casino. We played a shoe or two and then headed over to BOA Steakhouse in the Caesar's Forum shops.

After a fine dinner and a few nice bottles of wine, we retreated back to the Caesars casino. A drive by of PURE was in order. I took my time and took in a few long stares at the fine sights along the way.

Back at the tables I took a pounding. But then a recovery came along. I retired at about 2:45 a.m. with an even status on the day, but still down about $1000 from the night before.

Upgrade to Augustus

Last night didn't turn out to be the mellow night I had hoped, but it was good fun nonetheless.

I peeled my face off the pillow just around noon and quickly called the front desk to inquire about my room upgrade.

"Yes, sir, your Augustus Tower room is ready whenever you are."

"Great," I said, "I'll be down in 30 minutes."

I quickly showered and packed and headed down to the lobby. True to their promise, my new room was a huge improvement. In fact, it was one of the best hotel rooms I've ever had. And the view overlooking the Bellagio and the Las Vegas strip wasn't bad, either.

Back to Vegas

My flight pulled to the gate just as advertised at 10:50 p.m. After grabbing my bag, I caught a cab over to Caesars Palace.

Due to my frequent activity at this venue, my casino host arranged for a complimentary hotel room for me. As I checked in, the registration clerk informed me that my request for a Palace Tower room could not be accommodated the first night, and that have to stay in the Forum Tower tonight and move to a better location tomorrow. I didn't have much choice.

I grabbed my key and headed up to my room. When I got there I put the key in the door and opened it. I could see the light was already on and I walked in. I didn't get far before I saw a 70-year old man propped up in bed, knees bent under the covers.

"Whoa, don't know how that happened," I said.

"Me neither," said the man, as I turned around and headed out.

I made my way back down to Reception and found the same clerk. I walked up to her, handed her my room key and said, "The room you gave me is already occupied."

"Oh, I hope they weren't naked." said the clerk with a smirk.

"Uh, I'm not sure" I said. "HE was under the covers."

"I see," said the clerk.

She searched for another room and finally gave me a key.

"This should work out for you, sir," said the clerk. "And by the way, the other room should not have been occupied. Security is headed up there now to see what is going on."

When I walked into the new room, everything seemed in order. Until I saw the dirty wine glass on the nightstand. Caesar's Palace suddenly lost a few points with me.

The room had a fine 1980s ensemble. The hot tub off the bathroom was perched nicely just near the bed. And I'm sure the mirror over the bed has seen some kinky action. Maybe there's a camera behind it.

I showered up and headed down to the Palace Casino to join my friends for a drink and a friendly game of cards.

Christmas before Halloween

Here it is October 16 and Santa Claus is already on my Coke can.

Findings from the Coinstar experiment

Well, I've made six trips to two different Coinstar machines and the results are finally in. My many years of coin hoarding resulted in Amazon gift certificates totaling $213.64. The breakdown was as follows:

• 22 quarters


• 962 dimes


• 938 nickels


• 6504 pennies

My key takeaways from this experiment are:

• This would have been a lot easier if I didn't have so many pennies


• Amazon makes it easy to redeem gift certificates and apply several gift certificates toward my Amazon account credit


• Not all Coinstar machines are created equal; one was faster than the other and one appeared to make several mistakes, counting some dimes as pennies and crediting me for quarters I never deposited.

My overall opinion of Coinstar: It works pretty well but I don't look forward to hauling mounds of pennies to a Coinstar machine again. In fact, I might just leave them out of the sidewalk for the bums with a sign "free pennies."

Prius fags

I posted here a while back that I don't hate the Toyota Prius. Well, I take it all back. I hate the Prius with a passion.

What is it about the Prius that makes its driver crazy? I swear, ever since Priuses were allowed into the carpool lane, the idiot drivers of these cars think they own it. They just sit in the carpool lanes oblivious to traffic around them as they stare at their fuel efficiency monitor, trying to top their previous record for miles on a tank of gas.

Hello you idiots! If you want to drive slow pull off into a slower lane. Or better yet, get off the freeway.