We have clearance, Clarence

The call came in this morning at 9:45. I had passed my background check. I check into my new job today at 12:30.

But never fear. As this is only a 90-day contract position, I sould be back on the streets with new walking papers in a few months. Therefore I can justify continuing this blog. If I ever get a full time gig, then perhaps I will fade back into the bowels of scociety and cash in my unemployment blog. But not yet, I'm only a short-timer!

Stay tuned for more good stuff, but don't expect any on the job info. As they say, jobs and blogs are a volitale cocktail.

The rings of marriage

My brother and I were enjoying an adult beverage at the South Beach Marina talking about relationships when a passer-bye heard the word "marriage." He stopped and walked toward us.

"Here's the thing about marriage," the man says. "First there's the engagement RING. Then there's the wedding RING... And then there's the suffeRING."

The end?

Over the past week, I've been talking to a friend of mine about working as a consultant in the short term as I look for a job. She's been consulting for years and she tells me consulting can even be a good long-term career. You don't get some of the benefits of full time work, but the freedom and high hourly rate often offset the sacrifice of traditional employment benefits.

To assess the situation, on Tuesday I checked in with my friend's local marketing consultancy. They had me in with a client the next day and yesterday they offered me a 90-day consulting position. That was fast. But there is a catch, I can't start the job until I pass a background check.

I filled out the background check papers and signed them yesterday. The consulting firm still doesn't have the results as of today, but they should be back Monday. And if I pass, my employment would be immediate. This would be a good thing, too, as my unemploment insurance coverage runs out today.

Mt. Harkness

I headed up to my parents' cabin at Lake Almanor in north-eastern California on Thursday to escape the monotony of the Bay Area. After a boat cruise yesterday and a little R&R, I decided to take a hike in near by Lassen Volcanic National Park.

I drove 8 miles out of Chester before the road turned to dirt. Then I drove another 6 miles to Juniper Lake, just inside the boundary of the national park. I parked in a nearby lot near the Juniper Lake campground and started my trek up to the peak of Mt. Harkness.

Juniper Lake sits at about 6,800 feet in elevation, so it didn't take long before I encountered snow on the trail. And after only about 2 1/2 miles and 1200 feet in elevation gain, I was atop the 8,000-foot high Mt. Harkness peak. It wasn't until the last 1/4 mile or so that I saw the fire lookout on the top of the mountain. And before I even got there, the US Forest Service fire spotter was waving me up to his perch.

This was cool. The view was amazing. There were perfect views of nearby Mt. Lassen that sits at just over 10,400 feet. Then, 100 miles away, you could see 14,000+ foot Mt. Shasta, still covered in snow, even this late in July. On the other side of Mt. Harness was beautiful Lake Almanor. In fact, the is the best view of Lake Almanor I've ever seen, even better than the view from Lassen peak, which I've seen several times.

After soaking in the views a bit, Tom, the US Forest Service fire spotter invited me in to see his digs. Yep, he's got a fridge and a stove and a desk. In the center of the structure is a map of the area, complete with a sight, much like that of a rifle, that helps him pinpoint specific areas in case of fire.

Tom stays at the Mt. Harkness fire lookout 10 days consecutively, then he get 4 days off. Then he's back another 10 days. Well, at least for the fire season. Tom's obviously familiar with the area and points out all the local areas of interest. I ask him if he's ever climbed Mt. Shasta. What a dumb question that was. Tom told me he's climbed 19,000 foot Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa, and he plans to go back and climb it again on his 70th birthday, which I assume isn't that far away. This guy was in good shape.

Gives me something to strive for, albeit 30 years away. If my liver lasts that long.

(Ugly?) Milestone

Today is a significant day for me. I'm not sure whether to be proud or embarrassed. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm proud to be embarrassed. You see, today marks the exact six month anniversary of my layoff. I've now been officially unemployed for 1/2 a year. Wow, what a loser I am.

To be honest, the time has flown by. Seems like it was just yesterday that my 5' 1" boss was dropping the bomb on me as he leaned back in his chair with his feet dangling in mid air -- too short to touch the ground form the chair. And I was only too eager to accept my walking papers. That was a happy day; I'd had it with that place, and that shit. But that was January 13th. Where has the time gone?

Let's see. I've been to two foreign countries and 10 states.

I've been pulled over by the cops three times, but I have no tickets or arrests.

I've skied at least 10 days since my layoff, and I've been to 12 Giants games at SBC Park, plus 3 Spring Training games.

I even golfed once, even though I gave away my clubs to Goodwill two years ago.

I've been to Zion Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Glen Canyon and the Grand Canyon. And I won't even count American Canyon, Bolinger Canyon or Crow Canyon.

Who knows what else I'm forgetting at the moment.

So what's next? I'm not sure. But if a job remains elusive, I still have a few ideas up my sleeve.

Huh, six months. How much longer will it take?

Bay Area Lock Doctor

I've had this old Schwinn Cruiser since high school. It's been everywhere with me for the past 20+ years. And unfortunately, there's been a Kryptonite lock stuck through the frame and around the seat for the last ten years. The bike still rides, but the lock always rattles over bumps and is just plain useless without a key, so I figured it was time to get this thing off for good.

I called up my friendly neighborhood locksmith and he said he could get the lock off the bike for $35, so I rode the bike down the the shop.

As I entered the locksmith's shop, I started to wonder if this was really a good idea. There was crap everywhere. Key, locks, safes, tools, etc. The place was a mess. And the locksmith was this burly dude with a goatee and maybe three teeth, seriously. But he was nice enough and he remembered my call. Before long, he was going to work on my old lock.

First he tried some sort of lock-picking gizmo, but after 10 minutes, no dice. Then he asked me if I was trying to "preserve the lock."

Um, no.

So he pulls out a saw blade sort of thing attached to a drill bit, but that hardly cut through the rubber casing. "Gotta get the big one," he says.

Next thing I know, he's got the bike behind his counter and he's going to town on the lock with a bigger saw and sparks are flying everywhere. After about a minute, I hear a loud "ping" and the sawing stops. The locksmith looks up.

"Huh?," he says.

"What?," I say.

"My blade broke. That could have killed me. But it wouldn't do that..."

Lucky for me, he cut through the lock just as the blade broke.

I paid my $35 and got out of there.

Thanks, locksmith!

The bump

The seventh inning curfew was looming and there was nothing left to do.

I got up, pardoned-and-excused myself past the two isle seats and got up to the beer stand.

"Two Sierra's please," I asked.

"That'll be $16," the beertender said.

I took a sip off the top of both beers to decrease spillage and headed back down to our seats. Once I got there, I was careful to alert the couple sitting on the end that I was coming through. But sure enough, the guy on the isle of the row bumped me and I spilled beer on the guy in Row 6.

All right, this might not sound like something that I'd normally worry about, but I've known the guy I spilled beer on for 5+ years. Or at least I've known him as a fellow season ticket holder. He never really liked me, and I don't think this incident helped our friendship.

Looks like I have some CSNR (Charter Seat Neighbor Relations) to do the next few games.

Aye...

The girl

The girl next to me at the game today has a short skirt. I mean a REALLY short skirt. Did I say her skirt was short?

Holy moly.

The beer

Okay, call me what you will but I just can't see beer go to waste. Jeff had three Bud Lights remaining from his six-pack when we got to the San Francisco station. Rather than see it go to waste, I packed two of the beers in my baggy cargo shorts. I breezed through security as I entered the ballpark, even on the heightened alert due to the London bombings.

When we made it down to our seats, the guy sitting a few seats down to me complemented me on the two "B-minuses" I smuggled into the ballpark.

The train

Time again to see my beloved Giants. Against the St. Louis Cardinals, the best team in the National League.

The weather in Palo Alto looked good for 10:15 a.m. Keys, wallet, shades... phone? Yep, and no extra baggage needed. I walked the two blocks to the train station.

As I approached the station, I could see that the southbound train was idling on the tracks. I read the headlines of the PA Daily news. As the minutes passed, the southbound train never moved. Then I noticed my northbound train was late.

I called my friend, Jeff, who was at the Redwood City train station. I told him the train was already 10 minutes late and by the sight of the idling southbound train, things didn't look good. A few minutes later I could see a lady talking across the tracks to the conductor of the southbound train. Then she walked past me and informed me that the conductor told her that the northbound train had hit someone at the California Avenue station. Then Jeff called me back and told me he had been informed at the Redwood City train station that all trains would be one hour late due to an "obstruction" on the tracks.

Seeing our pre-game party in San Francisco vanishing due to the delay, I walked down to 7-11 and grabbed two HUGE beers for us for the ride up. And unbeknownst to me, Jeff had the same idea and grabbed a six-pack of Bud Light at the Sequoia Station Safeway. Because of this, we actually had too much beer for the ride up. What were we to do?

Angel Island

I had to escape the cave today. I've been working hard on the job hunt lately, and it's been getting me down. So, after a hearty night out boozing last night, I woke up early and got the wheels turning.

I headed up north on I-280 to San Francisco, then headed up U.S. 101 over the Golden Gate Bridge and pulled into one of my favorite sunny day spots, Tiburon. But this wasn't a day I planned to spend Tiburon. Instead, I grabbed a cup of coffee and hit the 10:00 a.m. ferry to Angel Island, the largest island in San Francisco Bay.

After the 10 minute boat ride to Ayala Cove, I grabbed a to-go sandwich at the cafe and headed straight up the North Ridge Trail to Mt. Livermore, the 788-foot peak of Angel Island. The trail to the top of the island isn't more than two miles, but it does start out steep. My hiking book said the trail gains 500 feet in altitude in the first half-mile. But after that, it was smooth sailing, and the views were unbelievable. Of course you can see Tiburon, and Sausalito, and San Francisco. But don't forget the Golden Gate Bridge, the Bay Bridge, the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge, Alcatraz, the Marin Headlands, Oakland... everything! If you have not been to Angel Island, you must go when you know the weather will be clear. I know of no other place in the Bay Area with views like these.

After hiking back down Mt. Livermore via the Sunset Trail, I headed back down to Ayala Cove and rented a bike for $10/hr. Turns out I only needed the bike for an hour because it's only a five mile ride around the entire island. If the truth must be said, the views on my hike were better than my bikeride on the Perimeter Road, but this was a nice way to spend another hour.

After returning my bike, I lounged on the lawn in the picnic area for a while, and before you knew it, I was on the 3:30 ferry heading back to Tiburon.

Not a bad way to take a break from the job hunt.

Trivia questions:

Q1: How did the deer and racoons get to Angel Island?

A1: My sources say they swam from the mainland. Sounds crazy, but that's what they say. Apparently squirrels, rabbits, foxes, skunks, oppossums, coyotes and other common Bay Area mammals couldn't swim that far, because they do not exist on Angel Island.

Q2: How did the lizards get to Angel Island?

A2: I have no idea. But they are there. I saw them.

Blackjack 102

After I published my last post, a friend of mine called me and asked, "What if I have a six-inch dick, should I cut that in half?"

Grandma, are you out there to answer this one?