Humble pie
My Christmas assignment: bring pies and ice cream to the family gathering.
Pies? What do I know about pies? I certainly couldn't make one. This was going to have to be a purchase.
I thought about this for a sec. Where does one buy a pie? Safeway? Naw, I couldn't show up with an Entemann's pie, could I? What about Marie Calendar's? Is that place still around? And if it is, would it have a pie line as long as the Honey Baked Ham store does for holiday hams?
Then a friend suggested Whole Foods. I shuddered at this thought, too, as I knew wat it meant; Democrat Alley. This is an area of Palo Alto I avoid like the plague. It's where homelessness meets Whole Foods. Who knew the homeless could afford those astronomical prices!
I prepared for this journey as best I could. I put on my holey Levis. Then my Birkenstocks. Then a natural wool sweater.
As I approached Whole Foods, I was getting looks already. They could see through my disguise. They knew I voted for George W in the last election. The only question now was would I get service?
When I walked through the sliding glass doors, what was the first thing I saw? PIES!!! I quickly grabbed a pumpkin pie and an apple pie and headed to the express line. I was out of there before you could say Hillary Rodham Clinton. But the bag boy did pause long enough to give me the stank-eye. He knew I was a Republican.
What about the ice cream? No Ben & Jerry's for me. I'm off to Safeway for that.
Pies? What do I know about pies? I certainly couldn't make one. This was going to have to be a purchase.
I thought about this for a sec. Where does one buy a pie? Safeway? Naw, I couldn't show up with an Entemann's pie, could I? What about Marie Calendar's? Is that place still around? And if it is, would it have a pie line as long as the Honey Baked Ham store does for holiday hams?
Then a friend suggested Whole Foods. I shuddered at this thought, too, as I knew wat it meant; Democrat Alley. This is an area of Palo Alto I avoid like the plague. It's where homelessness meets Whole Foods. Who knew the homeless could afford those astronomical prices!
I prepared for this journey as best I could. I put on my holey Levis. Then my Birkenstocks. Then a natural wool sweater.
As I approached Whole Foods, I was getting looks already. They could see through my disguise. They knew I voted for George W in the last election. The only question now was would I get service?
When I walked through the sliding glass doors, what was the first thing I saw? PIES!!! I quickly grabbed a pumpkin pie and an apple pie and headed to the express line. I was out of there before you could say Hillary Rodham Clinton. But the bag boy did pause long enough to give me the stank-eye. He knew I was a Republican.
What about the ice cream? No Ben & Jerry's for me. I'm off to Safeway for that.
posted by Leroy at
5:59 PM
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