Gatlinburg, TN
I've been trying to shake off that senior citizen comment for the last 100 miles. Finally, the Smokies get to me. I've meandered up to them, then paralleled them, then I headed straight in. I'm now in Tennessee, the home of Daniel Boone and Babe the Blue Ox. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating, but I am in the Smoky Mountains.
They call the Smokies "smoky" because the Cherokee Indians made note of the blue haze that often hangs over them. Latelty I've heard the "haze" is more of a smog that Tennessee and North Carolina isn't too proud of. Fucking tourists.
Finally, I make it to my home for the night, Gatlinburg, TN. I knew this was a tourist town when I booked my room a few weeks ago, but boy is it. There's a chairlift and a tram that are apparently used in ski season and to entertain summertime guests. And there's a space needle about 350 feet high. And a million shops and restaurants.
I tour the tourist loop. Making note of what I can, I return to "Blaines Bar & Grille," hoping to catch the Giants/Phillies game. Or not. When I get there, I quickly see the Giants have lost their 5th game in a row. Then I try watching the basketball playoffs. After a few brews and a bite, I head out, remembering that the state run wine & booze shop closes at 10 p.m. I get to the wine shop at around 9:50 and quickly head to the reds. I find a Renwood Zin for $14, which seems to be a deal considering my current geography. I grab a bottle and head to the cashier.
"I'll need a bottle opener with that," I say to the cashier.
"That's illegal," she responds.
"What?," I say.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot sell you a bottle opener," she said.
"You've got to be kidding," says I.
"Honestly, I cannot sell you a bottle opener. It's against the law. I can't sell you mixers, either. Or ice. Or glasses. Nothing that makes all of this work. It's against Tennessee state law.
"Well, where can I get an opener?," I ask.
"Down at the Gatlinburg market," I'm told.
I walk two blocks down to the market and grab a wine bottle opener which are prominently displayed by the cash register. The attendant approaches me.
"Is that all?" she says.
"Yes. After all, I had to buy the wine down the street. Which begs the question, if I buy a pack of smokes from you here now, will you sell me a lighter?"
"Yes," she says.
They call the Smokies "smoky" because the Cherokee Indians made note of the blue haze that often hangs over them. Latelty I've heard the "haze" is more of a smog that Tennessee and North Carolina isn't too proud of. Fucking tourists.
Finally, I make it to my home for the night, Gatlinburg, TN. I knew this was a tourist town when I booked my room a few weeks ago, but boy is it. There's a chairlift and a tram that are apparently used in ski season and to entertain summertime guests. And there's a space needle about 350 feet high. And a million shops and restaurants.
I tour the tourist loop. Making note of what I can, I return to "Blaines Bar & Grille," hoping to catch the Giants/Phillies game. Or not. When I get there, I quickly see the Giants have lost their 5th game in a row. Then I try watching the basketball playoffs. After a few brews and a bite, I head out, remembering that the state run wine & booze shop closes at 10 p.m. I get to the wine shop at around 9:50 and quickly head to the reds. I find a Renwood Zin for $14, which seems to be a deal considering my current geography. I grab a bottle and head to the cashier.
"I'll need a bottle opener with that," I say to the cashier.
"That's illegal," she responds.
"What?," I say.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot sell you a bottle opener," she said.
"You've got to be kidding," says I.
"Honestly, I cannot sell you a bottle opener. It's against the law. I can't sell you mixers, either. Or ice. Or glasses. Nothing that makes all of this work. It's against Tennessee state law.
"Well, where can I get an opener?," I ask.
"Down at the Gatlinburg market," I'm told.
I walk two blocks down to the market and grab a wine bottle opener which are prominently displayed by the cash register. The attendant approaches me.
"Is that all?" she says.
"Yes. After all, I had to buy the wine down the street. Which begs the question, if I buy a pack of smokes from you here now, will you sell me a lighter?"
"Yes," she says.
posted by Leroy at
11:54 PM
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